Before you finish reading this page, I can make you into a Grrl Genius, or an Enlightened Male, at absolutely no cost to you and it will make your life 1000 times better (actual figure)

Women’s low self-esteem is the number one problem in the lives of women (and men!) in America today.  

That may sound crazy to you.  Well it’s not.  Perhaps you might say, “But there are so many other problems, like, what about not having enough money?”

Fine.  I’ll prove it to you.  A recent study out of Cambridge University shows that increasing the amount of sex you have from once a month to once a week is will give you the same amount of happiness that you would get from $50,000 a year in extra income.  

Plus you’d be having more sex.

And why don’t people have sex more often?

In survey after survey the number one reason that women give for not wanting to have sex more often is that they feel terrible about their looks.  That’s women’s low self-esteem, people, and it’s ruining everyone’s sex lives, and making them $50,000 a year poorer.

I can fix that.  If you go from just being a regular woman to becoming a Grrl Genius, you will no longer feel inadequate (because you’ll be a genius) and you won’t worry so much about your looks (because you’ll be a genius) and you’ll have more and better sex and feel $50,000 dollars richer.  

And if your wife or girlfriend is suddenly a genius who wants to have sex with you more often, well, wouldn’t you be happier?

And if you were all happier, wouldn’t you be more relaxed and less stressed out and more productive and less likely to commit crimes or declare wars and more likely to invent a car that runs on water or a better hairpiece for Donald Trump?

And wouldn’t the world be a better place then?

That’s Grrl Genius in action people.

And you say, sure, OK, fine, the Grrl Genius revolution has the potential to make people richer and happier and more peaceful but what about traffic?

I can fix that.

 

Where is everyone going?  Well I can tell you that at any given time approximately 20% (approximate figure) of the traffic on any given highway is women driving somewhere to do something or buy something that they think will cure cellulite.*

(*Cellulite is not an actual medical condition.  Cellulite is a term that was coined by Harper’s Bazaar in the 1970’s to describe what is the natural formation of female flesh, making it seem like it was a horrible “condition” which could be “cured” although it cannot be “cured” and I should know because I have “tried everything!”)

So the these women racing around to try and cure cellulite are clogging the roads, and furthermore, there are people working in the fitness and beauty industry who are spending thousands of hours trying to solve a problem that is by its very nature unsolvable, and what should those people be working on instead?

Jet packs!

Remember when they told us that in the future everyone would have their own jet pack?  Well what the hell happened to that plan!  I’ll tell you what happened, what happened was that everyone was wasting their time trying to cure cellulite and not inventing jet packs that run on water to easily and cleanly take us wherever we need to go.

I promise you people that if my Grrl Genius revolution sweeps the land and women are thinking they are hot stuff, and men are agreeing, and everyone is having more sex and making more money (or at least feeling like they make more money) and realizing their thighs are just fine and spending their time inventing useful things like Jet packs, well, you won’t think I’m crazy then will you?

And even if you do, who cares?  You’ll be flying around freshly shagged in your water powered Jet pack and you’ll have me to thank whether I’m crazy or not.

So, this is the point where you’re probably saying to yourself, “Obviously this whole Grrl Genius thing is the greatest idea that’s ever been thought of and Cathryn Michon should be nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize (although she’d really prefer an Oscar because have you seen the dreadful outfits people wear to that Nobel thing?) but I’m sure she’s going to charge us all a fortune for this.”

I’m not going to charge you a thing.  Oh, you can buy my book if you want to read a good book, but that’s not the point here.  I care more about all of you than I care about money.

But if you want to send me money, that’s OK too, because I really do like money.  Also you can send flowers and chocolate and I wear a size seven shoe, and Christian Louboutin is my favorite expensive shoe.

 

Okay, let’s get down to business.

 

If you are a woman, I will now turn you into a Grrl Genius.  

All you have to do is tap your heels together three times and say, “I am a genius, I am a genius, I am a genius.”

Just do it.  Right now.  No one’s looking, no one can see your feet and you can whisper it.  What have you got to lose?

If you’re a woman and you haven’t done it, don’t read on.  Seriously.  You’ll feel so left out if you do.

Well good, I’m glad you’re still here. I’m proud of you.  Because (if you were a woman when you started reading this) you are now a bonafide Grrl Genius, just because you say you are.  No one can say you aren’t.  Trust me, there are no genius police or I’d have been arrested years ago.

Words are powerful.  If you go around from this moment forward saying you are a genius, miracles will happen in your life.  

I know, it happened to me.  I declared myself to be a Grrl Genius when my career was failing and my marriage was failing and my self-esteem was failing and everything got better.  I got an exciting new career and met a wonderful, brilliant, sweet, funny Enlightened Male who loves me and treats me like a princess and tells me I’m a genius because, frankly, there’s more sex in it for him if he does.

Now, if you are a man all you have to do to become an Enlightened Male is agree that all the women you like in your life are geniuses.  Just do it now, silently, by very, very slightly nodding your head and in your mind agreeing that they are geniuses.

 Have you done it?  Well what’s stopping you?  It doesn’t have to be the truth by the way, because in case you didn’t know it, women lie to you about stuff and all they are looking for is a little flattering mutual insincerity. Why should you do this?  What, more sex isn’t enough?  OK fine, how about this. The women you know will act less crazy if you start calling them geniuses.  Trust me, it’s worth it and seriously, what have you got to lose?

Don’t read on if you are a guy and haven’t done this one, simple thing, which is frankly not that much to ask.

OK, that means everyone reading this is a Grrl Genius or an Enlightened Male.  Doesn’t it feel great?  Well, if it doesn’t feel great yet, don’t worry; it will start to feel great very, very soon.

 

Now, if this all seems too simple, you should know that there is actually a very sacred ceremony that only I can perform (because I made it up and it’s my sacred ceremony) where I can transform people from ordinary beings into Grrl Geniuses and Enlightened Males.  It’s fancier than what we did here, and more fun.  If you see me perform live I’ll do the ceremony for you.  You’ll like it.

If you want to know more about where and when I’m performing, well, become a member of The Grrl Genius Club on the New Members area of the site and I’ll send you the occasional update.  If you can’t wait for me to happen to come where you are, well then go to GG Speaks!  and have me come and speak to your company, or club or coven or whatever you’ve got going.

If you want to hear more about the Grrl Genius philosophy, you can certainly buy either The Grrl Genius Guide to Life  or The Grrl Genius Guide to Sex (with Other People). They’ll change your life in miraculous ways and/or give you a good laugh or two.

If you want to read more about the sex and relationship adventures of my Grrl Genius posse, and me you should read my Grrl Genius column on the “Love and Sex” channel at iVillage.com.

If you are looking for Grrl Genius advice on sex and relationships, check out the Dear Grrl Genius Column.  No one has been a bigger failure than me at relationships, and hence I know all the pitfalls.  I’ve failed, so you won’t have to.

And if you want to know about some cool things that are Grrl Genius tested and Grrl Genius approved, well go to my GG Recommends page.

In the meantime, I hope that you will take your newfound genius or enlightened state and use it to make yourself and others happy.

Because if you do that, my work here will be done.

 

Yours in Continuing Genius,

Cathryn Michon (Grrl Genius